I've been trying to write again.
It is hard.
Probably has something to do with the months of not-writing anything but notes on stories I haven't gotten around to writing... and also notes on stories I have written that are terrible (as an example: the last story I tried to write at, some point in the editing process, managed to purge itself of conflict because somehow I felt (wrongly) that this was somehow more interesting)).
So I've started writing again and I noticed something weird about writing sentences, in that what I write establishes something (sort of like how when I put paint on a wall I'm "painting something") which seems obvious now, but today struck me as eerie and powerful.
I think it's just the result of still thinking in an editorial mindset (or with an editor's mind... I'm not sure if that's what "editorial mindset" means... I feel it should mean thinking about something critically, and while that sounds like what I'm trying to say I feel it's misleading). I've heard (as I'm sure has anyone reading this) "when we begin writing we ought to do so without judging our work" and fortunately I've spent a good amount of time not giving all that much consideration to what I'm writing.
But today I wrote a few sentences and (I want to say instinctively but it's more likely a conditioned response) I noticed I was giving some character a lot of strange quirks which reflected, in no way, the months worth of notes I'd amassed. I wrote something about this character's sweater and then (as if only for the sake of pacing) expounded on this by adding a bit about how this character owns six sweaters (all of which are very similar) and wears them on a very rigid, though unintentional schedule... not only this, but I wrote that this character had explained this to another person, suggesting he is not only particular in his vestments but aware of his idiosyncrasies.
I'd had no intention of making this character very rigid, very aware of himself, nor very besweatered, but with half a sentence, typed for no other reason than to adhere to a certain pace I like to type to, I had.
Seemed interesting.
Maybe I'll go to sleep and try again tomorrow.
